I have been trying to navigate some things that are pretty unique in this world. Usually we can talk about whatever is going on within us, and if we don't we can go mad. We have all seen madness. People who talk to themselves or to whomever are considered crazy. I have insight into why that happens. Its hard to talk about so to literally keep myself from going insane, I must express myself somewhere.
You see I have been part of a tight community. I need to be more specific to make sense, but I am scared I guess. Even admitting fear feels weak. Being around such manipulative people has made me really fucking paranoid. I feel unsafe because it seems that, when I turn to a friend, they gossip and it backfires. I have to be really careful, or totally let go of those attachments. Its scary.
I have been sober for four months. Since mid November. And only because I had to get sober, not because I really wanted to. I guess I did but its not like I really had a choice. I was drinking habitually about a bottle of wine a day, so that I could cope with all my stress. What stress? Well wow. That does seem strange doesn't it.